CONNECTING THE CONNECTION REQUEST

Does anyone get their LinkedIn Friend, er, Connection Request rejected?

It must happen. 

Perhaps it’s done in a passive-aggressive way, where the recipient of the request kind of curls up into a ball, shrinks back from the desk, and powers down their laptop with one curled finger rather than say “no.”

Is there even a “no” option? Someone send me a Friend, er, Connection Request and I’ll see if there’s some form of rejection button.

If there is an outright rejection option, that would be SO GREAT and add an element of humanity to The World’s Foremost Professional Gatherer of Studio Headshots Completely Unrepresentative of the Current State of the User.

And I mean crushing rejection, like the time in the sixth grade when Susan Carlyle told me she didn’t want to hold my hand because I was Catholic.

LinkedIn is a mystery. The times I’ve spoken to people about it (people I know, and physically see, who happen to be employed), the discussion turns to its (a) “crappy” communication format, (b) tendency to generate unwanted solicitations (not for me – I’m desperate for solicitations), and (c) accumulation of connections that end up being people you don’t actually know.

This latter part I can attest to. Frequently I’ll look for some company to extort and next to the organization’s name there’s this teeny tiny circle with an image in it and the phrase “1 connection works here.” What? I have no idea who that person is. Do I owe her money? Can I ask her for money? Is she susceptible to Ponzi schemes? I’ll never know, because I don’t know. Them.

I’m assuming this same disassociated association exists on popular social media platforms that I don’t utilize because I don’t want people knowing my business. Like Facebook. Or Instagram. (Truth be told, I avoid Instagram because I take terrible selfies that scream “Catholic,” which I’m still traumatized about thanks to Susan.)

I’m sure LinkedIn makes sense and I’m just misunderstanding it and reinforcing this misunderstanding by only surrounding myself with dysfunctional, slightly out of shape, middle-aged people who also think the Internet is an elaborate trick.

In the meantime I’ve hired a photographer to help me glam up my profile picture.